Detachment Finalized

I'll never forgot, that for most of my life I always went about my day according to the struture others had set for me. From teachers at our local schools, to my parents, to any authority, self-proclaimed or otherwise. I always wondered what it was like not to have to put on a show anywhere, or for anyone. Then came the summer of my graduation. My ticket to a more open road.

My grandparents owned a small farm in mid-Eastern Idaho. Every summer for as long as I can remember, we would visit it. There, we had no limitations. Under the aid of endless hay fields, green to your waist, we could dissapear for days without too many questions being raised. It was magic there. As if all cares and responsibility seemed to melt away, like snow retreating from the coming spring.

I was 18, and an "adult" in my eyes. Ready to do things my way. I had recently received an invitation that would soon change my life. My cousin, a year older than me, was to be wed. She lived just a stone's throw away from my grandparents house. Knowing of the freedom that place held for me, I thought it a perfect start to my new beginning. So being my own man, I decided to make the long treck up to support her. So I was off, in my 1995 red, Jeep Grand Cherokee.
The wedding passed so beautifully in the backyard of my cousin's house. Banding together with my 2 cousins, both older than me by 3 and 6 years, we cheered on my cousin in her grand day.

That night, after all the guests had left, and all the chairs and party favors had been cleared, my cousins and I gathered together to "celebrate". Under the light of scattered torches, we sat on the yard's soft grass. Feeling the cool blades between my fingers, I could feel strees and tension release, as if the grass was sucking something heavy from off me. Healed, we sat under the night sky, the air was warm and smooth like a blanket. Seemingly silky, and restoring with every cool breath. It was then that something changed within me. I finally let go of everything I had been holding back. The magic of that night, that place, allowed a release I had only begun to imagine. Something that now, as more of an adult, I long to feel again.

I spent 3 months there, among family, and friends. Everyday became an adventure of what I wanted to do. No authority to step in and take charge, or bail out. When I messed up, or needed a hand up, I was able to make my own way out. Working through a winter of 12 degrees below zero, with nothing but jeans, a hoody, and tennis shoes I realize I really didn't have much, but what I had was mine. Looking back now, I can see how limited I really was. Although it was short lived, that time allowed me to find a piece of myself that could not have been obtained otherwise. I would not trade it for anything.